Jessie James Decker was told her symptoms were “just part of being a busy mom.” One-third of women say a provider has dismissed theirs.
When Jessie James Decker brought up a health concern she had been living with, she kept hearing the same answer.
“I was told, ‘That’s just part of being a busy mom,’” the singer-songwriter and entrepreneur said in a video shared Oct. 15. “They would always say, ‘You’re just busy, you just have a lot going on.’”
She eventually booked an appointment with Ivim Health, a physician-led virtual practice, and became a patient this fall. Decker, now a paid partner of the company, said the difference showed up in the first conversation.
“What really stood out to me about my appointment with Ivim was how my provider really listened and asked thoughtful questions instead of making me feel like I was overreacting,” she said.
Her experience is a common one. One-third of U.S. women said a healthcare provider had minimized or dismissed their symptoms or pain in the past five years, according to a survey of about 5,200 U.S. adults released in September by Gallup and Pivotal, an organization founded by Melinda French Gates to advance social change for women. Overall, 51% of women reported at least one of the four negative healthcare experiences the survey asked about, compared with 39% of men.
The gap is especially visible in midlife care. More than 3 in 4 women ages 45 to 60 report menopausal symptoms, yet only about 1 in 4 are receiving any treatment, according to a 2025 Mayo Clinic study of nearly 5,000 women. And the transition often starts well before 45: perimenopause typically begins in a woman’s 40s, and for some as early as her 30s, according to Mayo Clinic.
Dr. Jessica Duncan, Chief Medical Officer at Ivim Health who designed and leads the Women’s Hormone Health Program, said many of the women she sees have heard some version of what Decker described. “Women have been told for a generation that certain symptoms are a normal part of aging,” she said.
Decker said she decided to talk about it publicly because women were already coming to her with questions. “So many women come to me with questions about their health and wellness journey, and I think it’s important to share my own experiences and encourage women to advocate for themselves,” she said in a statement announcing the partnership.
Women are far more likely than men to say they have had to do exactly that. In the Gallup and Pivotal survey, 42% of women said they have had to speak up or advocate for their health, compared with 26% of men.
Why the symptoms are easy to miss
Many women don’t connect what they’re feeling to hormones at all, which Decker said is why she wanted to share her story.
“If you’re struggling with something, you might not realize it could be related to hormones (sleep, mood shifts, low energy, brain fog), and you deserve to have that conversation and feel heard!” she said in the video.
Even when a woman does raise those symptoms, testing doesn’t always show what’s going on. “Hormone levels shift a lot during perimenopause,” Duncan said. “So a single blood test may not tell the whole story.”
For Duncan, that means a patient’s own account of how she feels carries real weight. “A woman’s labs can look normal even when she’s feeling far from it.” she said.
Why women hold back in appointments
Duncan said many patients also arrive expecting judgment, especially about symptoms involving sex or vaginal health, and the pressure of the appointment makes it harder to speak openly. “Appointments can feel stressful, and that’s not usually when people open up the way they would with a close friend,” she said.
She wants patients to know that clinicians hear those concerns the way they hear any other complaint. “Telling us about vaginal dryness or low libido is no different from telling us your knee hurts,” Duncan said. “It’s a real problem, and our job is to help solve it.”
What to bring to an appointment
For Decker, a single question from her provider changed how she saw the problem. When she was asked how long she had been dealing with it, she realized it had been with her for as long as she could remember.
Duncan said it helps to go into an appointment already knowing which symptom matters most. “Before your visit, it helps to think about the main problem you’d like to solve,” she said. “You may have a few things going on, but knowing what’s bothering you most can guide the conversation.”Once a doctor recommends a treatment, she said, patients should ask why it’s the right one and what else is available. “We’re trained to talk through the risks, benefits, and alternatives of any treatment,” Duncan said. “That conversation especially matters in perimenopause and menopause care, because many women don’t know what options are out there.”
When a provider isn’t listening
Duncan said patients can raise the problem directly with the provider they already have, in language as plain as this: “I’m frustrated because I’m still in pain, and I don’t feel like I’m being heard. Can we talk more about this so I can get the care I need?” “That’s a completely fair conversation to have,” she said. “Often a provider will say, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. Let’s talk about it.’”
In her view, the more a patient shares, the fuller picture a provider has. “The more we understand about what’s going on and how it’s affecting your life, the better we can help,” Duncan said.
It’s a message Decker hopes more women take to heart. As she put it in her video, “You deserve to have that conversation and feel heard.”
